Trinicenter.com - Home is where the hurt is: The roots of war

by Underground Panther in the Sky

Mankind will not be free until the last abuser has impaled himself with the emerging integrity of the last enabler who says no:

Today I turned on the tube to get a pulse of things obviously hidden, and I saw a blonde-haired woman beating the shit out of a young girl maybe 4 or 5. (why do I always seem to catch the shit of the day?) I was warned it was graphic in nature. They showed it twice in a half hour. She was caught on a security camera in a mall parking lot. The little girl was so sad, so much like so many adult people everywhere, just like a lamb going to slaughter going into that huge minivan like she's supposed to do like so many other trips. She climbed in, and she sat down in the seat, and her mother smacked her in the face over and over — hard.

Did that mother see herself reflected too closely in her child's eyes? Was her vulnerability felt in her daughters actions too clearly to not identify with it? Did her daughter threaten her feeling of self control by remembering the past?

I was upset at the mother, I had a visceral reaction. Would I have hit her if it wasn't a TV screen?? Probably.

But most likely it was her mother or father who taught her to hate herself and any offspring extension that she sees as part of herself. In many American homes we pretend we are "normal," "happy," or "safe" until dad gets home. We live like this because we are at war with ourselves and each other all the time. We don't trust ourselves or each other to find the way out.

All war begins within. The war begins with the urge, the urge that is acted upon, that is abusive, is not tempered in thought. It's forged in reaction and insecurity.

Home is where the hurt is, and when we grow up learning how to relate in the ways of war. We act our wars out like adults do. Abuse always happens hidden from view in the most private parts of the home. The ugly side of life is hidden because we are afraid to look at it as if it was us. So it doesn't matter if it's a lab putting shampoo in a rabbit's eyes to get the same old results as before, a dictator sending out goons to burn a village down, Matthew Sheppard, The Trenchcoat Mafia, or mommie dearest at the mall … or her little girl whapping a kid in kindergarten next week. It's the same urge to destroy and acquire power driving it. It is the same denial and objectification of the hurt pornographizing their pain.

If you got a map of the world or one state, and put it on the wall and tossed a dart at it, and looked at the location where the dart landed ... If you researched the place you would see many abuses were done there, abuses that are lived out in current events, retold in their history, religion and mythos.

Abusing others is one constant behavior problem that is completely voluntary in all of human life history. Did hunter-gatherers abuse and exploit one another for power, seeking self interest to the detriment of the entire tribe? Probably some tried to, but I think it would have been less common than today because it is hard to survive with the challenges of survival as a ragtag band of people if most of your tribe members are homicidal, drug/alcohol addicted, suicidal, dissociative and mentally ill like most of modern day America is.

How can Americans understand democracy if all they know is reward or punishment?

Knowing how and why you make choices, and knowing to choose empowerment over fear of pain is part of recovering your own integrity.

This choice to act with integrity is the key to overcoming abusers in your life as well as abusive urges inside yourself … remembering the choice of NO, I will not ... I won't believe it, do it, shut up about it, or obey ... I can be a voice of empowerment instead of not making waves. This kind of courage can be like an Anti Stockholm syndrome.

Amber alerts won't stop the pedophile you know, if you are in denial about who lives right at home or next door. You have to choose to stop him yourself. Cameras won't stop abuse in secret places of the most powerful people, when we assume they are "good" or honest. You have to choose be the whistleblower or cynic if you want to see what is going on. No one can be relied upon to truly act in your self-interest for you. No-one ever, not even parents.

So what if that little girl ran away from her mother with her bruises, and got the attention of a mall guard, or some big strong adult? Mommie dearest would be in a very different power relationship situation suddenly to her child as a security guard dragged her all flustered into a cop station as she spewed excuses. Her daughter would have taken control for someone who chose not to and acted in self interest, instead of identifying with mom, and growing up in her image. This choice is not an easy one especially for a hurting little girl. Our early experiences in life can shape the worldview outlook of an adult, for good or ill.

In adult situations, when we are aware, we can become our own authority. We can walk away from a jerk, refuse to participate, or fight. We can use the system as it is to get what we need done … or create a new system. We all are sovereign. Too often our imagined fear of pain and hardship outstrips our inner sense of courage and integrity.

Seven years ago, I confronted a man smacking his child at the mall. It was a situation just like the blonde woman beating her daughter, as seen on TV.

I came upon the situation and saw a few people clustered, watching. They stood around nervously, no-one having the courage to act. Some were rapidly shoveling their curious kids in their cars and zooming away.

So I did what my own integrity demanded I do. I walked up to the man and told him to stop. Twice. The third time I tried to restrain his arms. There were people watching me. He turned on me made some lame-ass remark about my Mohawk. I called him a deckles chickenshit for beating up little girls. I shut the car door, separating him from his girl ... and she slammed down the door lock.

He started screaming at me, trying to hit me and pin me against the car. He was drunk. So I beat the tar out of him. In four swift punches he was down and humiliated, as he nursed his nose and tried to breathe. He was shocked to see I was female (I dress in a lot of leather, I am a drag king.)

I leaned up to the window and told the girl she didn't have to tolerate that kind of abuse from her father anymore. I told her I didn't tolerate it out of my dad either.

Then I told the ten or so onlookers that were gawking to call the damn police now. The man was sniveling with a bloody nose. He sat on the tarmac against the car. I wrote his license number on my hand in case he had the big idea to split. I said to him, you need some help. I dunno if your dad brought you up to be such an asshole, but you can stop being one right now, ya know. You are who you are and I think if you were still little you wouldn't want to get beat any more than your daughter here does.

I handed him a Kleenex. Why not stop? He started sobbing. The cops and mall guards came. They cuffed him and asked me a billion questions, and took the daughter in a separate squad car. I wasn't arrested. I was a witness as well as several others who witnessed me. Later the girl thanked me after court, and I hugged her. I never knew if she was ever safe. But I hope she was empowered.

Yes, I was scared of facing an assault charge. But I didn't pound him past what was needed to chill him out. I knew that whatever was going to happen was ok with me, because despite my fears and assumptions I knew I had done what my integrity demanded I do. So I could live with myself.

What about the gawkers on the scene before me ... waiting for someone else to embody the integrity they think they cannot have?

If everyone waits around for someone else to act for them, than no one has any integrity.

Reproduced from:
http://web.pitas.com/page6/upits101102.html