Copyright © 2002 Terry Joseph
All I want for Christmas
By Terry Joseph
Dec 22, 1999
Don't believe everything you hear. My two front teeth
are going good for the moment and the little bicuspids are bearing up nicely
too. What I had in mind as this year's gift was something distinctly
Actually, Santa, all I want for Christmas is for you to use your magic to make
a few things happen. I know that other guys are writing their requests too and
since you have a reputation for pleasing all the good people, I will just
mention a few items and hope you get my drift.
Boss, my request is going to cost you nothing and by the same opportunity,
save you a lot of chimney work. The elves would not have to go back into
production at this 11th hour and the gift will serve for the entire nation.
Here's the deal: If you could just get a few public figures to live up to
their pledges, or conversely, to not promise things they are incapable of
delivering, I would solemnly swear to become a good boy and maintain that
condition forever more.
For instance, Santa, let us revisit the matter of that compilation disc from
the World Beat Music Festival, that the Tourism and Industrial Development
Company (Tidco) sincerely promised would be in music stores by Christmas.
Remember that the sales of this CD were supposed to help the Treasury recover
some money from the $8 million spending spree (that they originally promised
would cost us nothing). Here we are, just 48 hours to Christmas Eve, with not
even a demo-copy in sight and no apology in lieu.
But let us go back, Santa, to a time much earlier this year and the Miss
Universe Pageant and muse on how they promised that it would not cost us more
than $30 million. We gave up on that. But do you remember the $2 million
fraud? Well, although they told us in July that an arrest was imminent, Santa,
boy? Not a soul get lock up. And while you have that file open, Santos, find
out how much revenue the stage they rushed to buy has brought us to date and
what else Tidco has in mind for the small man -so I could warn him!
But don't see this as bashing any particular State agency, boss, because they
are not alone in this game of "tell the natives anything to keep them
Santa, you remember last August when the Mayor of Port of Spain launched
Calypso Week? Didn't he say that by the end of the year he would have in place
a fund for singers who have fallen on hard times? And what about the kiosks he
was going to set up around the capital city with one-touch computer access to
total information on any calypsonian? Santa, they feel we does forget, or
Right now, I am sure that my fellow sufferers would settle for mere updates on
some of these promises. Ask the Culture and Gender Affairs Minister what
became of the Carnival Institute that was launched last July and what about
the appointment of a director or, for that matter, a director of culture. And
on the other half of her portfolio, find out why she remains silent about a
calypso that likens women to gardening implements and has as its chorus:
"She's a hoe! She's a hoe!" Didn't she promise to defend the dignity
Could you also use your considerable influence to get Prime Minister Basdeo
Panday to make a definitive statement on whether during discussions with Pan
Trinbago about a parcel of land in Chaguaramas, he told them: "The land
is there, go and take it"? Because if that is so, he should really want
to explain how on Saturday night last, he could so calmly reverse that
position to now say that the same property is now too precious for pan.
Mark you, we are not only worried about these most promising politicians. As a
matter of fact, those who do not vow to do anything at all are equally
disturbing. Take the case of Wendell Mottley. You think you could get him to
stop waffling and actually promise something?
And could we get a commission of enquiry to actually find something for once?
Or is it easier to get Mervyn to hush?
I hope you get the general principle from these few examples and can do
something for us in this area please. Because, Santa, I would really like for
all of my fellow sufferers down here to have a very Merry Christmas.
PS: This one is not for me, you understand, but I have a friend who asked me
to ask you whether he could get a peep at your adult list of where all the
naughty girls live.
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